Also don’t me, I am just the messenger, and also I’m on a social media break so that I can better hear the wisdom of the stars. But listen, if you disagree with these pairings you can take it up with the stars, although I hear their inboxes are totally swamped right now so don’t take it personally if you don’t hear back immediately. I want to acknowledge that this is a very emotional topic and that many people have piping hot takes about the dog breed that they feel is their kindred soul and I totally get it. The following astrology/canine mashup was developed through rigorous research, focus-group testing, dry runs, and soft openings. I knew I was being called to do the Lord’s work when the grand poo-bahs and wise council of advisors on Planet Man Repeller asked that I develop the official guide to dog breeds and their corresponding astrological signs following the annual Westminster hullaballoo. In all my many, many years of astrologizing, I have rarely encountered a more timely-nay, urgent-assignment than this.
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